Bill White sells Katrina evacuees to Calgary

One of my favorite bloggers, Lou Minatti, has shared the following interesting comments from our Mayor Bill.......

The other day, Mayor Bill asked Alberta companies to open their doors to Katrina evacuees looking for work.

Houston, we have a labour problem -- and the mayor of the Texas city says he can help.

During a speech at the Global Petroleum Show yesterday, Houston Mayor Bill White said Alberta should look to his city to cope with severe labour shortages.

"There is a labour pool in Houston," said White.

"I'm not saying they're all model employees ... but I tell you what, there are a lot of people just looking to get back on their feet again."

I am making no editorial comments here.

I too decline to make an editorial comment.

Which movies have inspired you?

The American Film Institute yesterday announced that Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life" is #1 on its list of inspirational films. Others in the top ten, in order of finish: "To Kill a Mockingbird," "Schindler's List," "Rocky," "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington," "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial," "The Grapes of Wrath," "Breaking Away," "Miracle on 34th Street," and "Saving Private Ryan."

My favorite inspirational move is "Life is Beautiful." Robert Benigni uses laughter to fight the horrors of the Holocaust. The courage and strength he shows really touches me.

What is your favorite inspirational move?

Take up your CAPE and follow Me

The BBC reports that The Chronicles of Narnia are, shockingly, about Jesus. Some Christians, though, see the need to move beyond Aslan to another "Christ-figure": Superman. In attempting to be relevant, are Christians downplaying the divine? Or is this following Paul's example of using popular culture to reach people for Christ?

White men can’t hear

Black adults hear better than white adults and women hear better than men, claims a new government report. Scientists suspect melanin plays a role in how the body removes harmful chemical compounds that damage the ear’s hair cells and that genetics or the amount of noise exposure may explain the difference between women and men. The new study by scientists with the federal National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health also found that overall, hearing in the United States is about the same as it was 35 years ago, despite the use of Walkmans and iPods.

POPE (JPII): "[Scientists] should not inquire into the beginning [of the the universe]"

World-renowned astrophysicist Stephen Hawking is claiming that at a cosmology conference held at the Vatican the late Pope John Paul II told a group of scientists, “It’s OK to study the universe and where it began. But [scientists] should not inquire into the beginning itself because that was the moment of creation and the work of God.” One wonders whether the Pope actually recommended that scientists “should not inquire” about the beginning of the universe or rather cautioned that they would not figure out the beginning because it was accomplished through God’s miraculous work.

"arguably the most shocking event in comic book history."

Spiderman does the unthinkable and removes his Spidey mask to publicly reveal his hidden identity.

"I'm proud of who I am, and I'm here right now to prove it," the legendary webslinger tells a press conference called in New York's Times Square, before pulling off his mask and standing before the massed ranks of reporters as newspaper photographer Peter Parker.

Immigration Cartoon

Mexico Officially Thanks Bush

Face on Zero Peso Note......Thanks for Nothing!

Editorial Livejournalists suffer River Walk envy

The Chronicle's Editorial LiveJournalists seem to have gotten a little too much sun. Here's their conclusion to a utopian editorial about the splendor of Buffalo Bayou (still a muddy, nasty little creek-like thing last time we checked):

San Antonio residents are debating a proposal to limit the number of chain restaurants that can share in the multibillion-dollar bounty that attends the small artificial channel that runs through their downtown. Houston's bayou is much more attractive. When its beautification and development is complete, perhaps it will be as well-attended as the Riverwalk.

Umm, no and no.

Soak the rich, cut their taxes

Investor’s Business Daily notes that surging tax receipts could help President Bush make good on his pledge to cut the deficit in half in 2006, three years earlier than he proposed. Tax revenues are running $176 billion, or 12.9%, over last year, and the Congressional Budget Office said receipts have risen faster over the first eight months of fiscal '06 than in any other such period over the past 25 years — except for last year's 15.5% jump. Despite Bush's tax cuts—or perhaps because of them--those making over $200,000 now pay 46.6% of total income taxes, an increase of 6.1%. Before Bush took office, a couple earning $1 million a year paid 33 times as much as the couple making $60,000. Today they are paying 38 times as much. (HT: Instapundit)

Clueless Coulter

In Ann Coulter's new book Godless: The Church of Liberalism, she includes a bizarre footnote on Page 3: "Throughout this book, I often refer to Christians and Christianity because I am a Christian and I have a fairly good idea of what they believe, but the term is intended to include anyone who subscribes to the Bible of the God of Abraham, including Jews and others." If Coulter thinks followers of Judaism are Christians then, contrary to what she might think, she doesn't have a "fairly good idea" what Christians believe.

Tone deaf teachers

In order to evade rules against using cell-phones in class, some students are downloading a ring tone off the Internet that is too high-pitched to be heard by most adults. The tone allows high school students to receive text message alerts on their cell phones without the teacher knowing. A teacher in New York City says her colleague played the ring for a classroom of first-graders — and all of them could hear it, while the adults couldn't hear anything.

Beer and pizza prevent cancer

Researchers at Oregon State University say that a compound found in beer inhibits a protein in the cells along the surface of the prostate gland, preventing prostate cancer. Dr. Richard N. Atkins, CEO of the National Prostate Cancer Coalition, notes that an ingredient in tomatoes, lycopene, has previously been linked to prostate cancer prevention. "It's every man's dream to hear that beer and pizza can prevent cancer," said Atkins. "However, the 17 beers and four large pizzas needed to get enough xanthohumol and lycopene to help prevent prostate cancer is unfortunately not advised.

Soccer cleats cause toxic shock syndrome

Yet another reason not to play sports — It can kill you:

Blisters caused by wearing new football boots can lead to a dangerous fever called toxic shock syndrome, a study published in the British Medical Journal (BMJ) says.

In a paper timed to coincide with the start of the World Cup finals, doctors in Birmingham, central England, report the case of two youngsters who became sick with a fever after friction blisters on their Achilles’ heels, caused by new football boots, became infected.

They suffered from fever, lethargy, vomiting, diarrhoea and a rash that spread over their torso and arms. The pus in the blisters was found to contain the well-known bacterium Staphylococcus aureus.

Love yourself. Don't play sports!.

Fresh from the Garden

Not to be outdone by the new McFungus Asian Salad, Burger King unveiled its newest all-natural garden salad this week in the Netherlands.

A woman eating at a Burger King restaurant in the Netherlands found a live frog in her salad, the company confirmed Sunday. [snip]
Dutch newspaper Algemeen Dagblad quoted the customer, identified as 23-year-old Astrid Roek, as saying "it was a big black thing, a frog or a toad."

There is no news yet as to when the new menu item will be featured in the Houston area. When it is, expect to hear that old familiar question: "Do you want flies with that?"

Complaint Department Is Now Open

Please take a number. Your concerns will be addressed in the order they are received.

More details emerge on Duke rape accuser

Call me crazy, but I doubt the credibility of the alleged rape victim. Here’s why:

DURHAM — The exotic dancer who has accused three Duke lacrosse players of gang-raping her was drinking while taking medication that night, and had sex with at least four men and a sexual device in the days immediately leading up to the off-campus party, according to court papers filed Thursday.

And she told one medical staffer she drank at least 44 ounces of beer, and told another she took a powerful muscle relaxant and drank beer before going to the party at 610 N. Buchanan Blvd. on March 13.

Hey, if you can’t trust the word of a drunk, drug-addled stripper, who can you trust these days?

Praise the Lord and pass the ammo!

I voted for George W twice, but I'm beginning to wish we could see some positive from his election. Each President faces different challenges and I think we can all agree this administration has faced its share of conundrums. In the name of securing our country, we have seen many freedoms removed and like the majority, I went with it peacefully and in full agreement. However, maybe we are losing stuff we won’t get back. Civil rights are civil rights and if Israel has taught us anything, it’s we can’t stop terrorism if the bad guys are bent on delivering it.

With all the talk of national security, I’m also thinking its high time we backed off on the paranoia and since everyone agrees we cant stop both well meaning and bad people from crossing our borders, we might as well form local militias and arm each of us Veterans with M-16’s with M-79 grenade launchers attached in case the fricken Commies come over….%$#@ oops, wrong era! But you get the point. Maybe we do need to activate the Civil Defense forces instead of taking away our rights. I’m game.

This blog is humorous because I don’t have the answers to our problems, but I do see trouble ahead if we keep tightening up in the name of security.

USOC Visits Houston As Possible 2016 Site

For the Olympics that is. KRIV-26 got a quote from Mayor White (via ESPN) saying Houston will be submitting an application to be host city for the 2016 summer games:

Mayor Bill White says Houston will throw its hat in the ring as a candidate to host the 2016 Olympics.

The city will submit its proposal later this month to the United States Olympic Committee. The committee must still decide whether the United States will compete for the 2016 summer games.

"It's a big decision -- in part a decision based on the fact I think we have a fairly viable shot at it," White told Houston television station KRIV on Thursday.

White's decision comes one month after a delegation of the Olympic committee visited five cities, including Houston, on a fact-finding mission.

That visit from a USOC committee elicited complimentary words for Houston from USOC President Peter Ueberroth.

The Chronicle's David Barron has more information on the team putting together Houston's bid.

Rainbow that set the sky on fire

This circumhorizon arc, as it is known, owes more to ice than fire. It occurs when sunlight passes through ice crystals in high cirrus clouds. It is one of 15 types of ice halos formed only when the most specific of factors dovetail precisely together.

This blanket of fire, covering hundreds of square miles, is the rarest phenomenon of them all. It was spotted in the US on the Washington-Idaho border around midday last Saturday.

Fresh

“Oh, lookie here! Strawberry pancakes! My favorite.”

“Can I take you’re order, Hon?”

“Yeah. About the strawberry pancakes, are the strawberries fresh?”

“Sure are, Hon.”

“Great. I’ll have the strawberry pancakes, but don’t put anything else on them like whipping cream or powdered sugar or strawberry syrup.”

“Well, Hon, that’s the way they come, with the syrup juice that is.”

“I thought you said the strawberries were fresh.”

“They are, Hon, fresh froze. Thawed ‘em out this mornin’ jus’ for you.”

“Ah. I see. On second thought, Ranch Breakfast Number Two looks good.”

“Good choice, Hon, we only use the freshest eggs.”

My superbright idea goes pffft

I've been working on a Top Secret Project this week. It was eating up key blogging time until -- whammo! -- I got home yesterday and picked up my mail. There was a glossy flyer for this! Somebody invented this thing before me! The Home Cryptex Device, as seen in the movie that came out before the Jennifer Aniston one! I wasted a whole week!

I feel ashamed and slightly soiled.

Hey, what about Cryptex salt-and-pepper shakers! Or the Cryptex weather witch?

Oh wait. Maybe Jennifer Aniston's tummy is the newest Cryptex.

Model

Okay, so some supermodel says she won't pose nude.

Fine. No problems here. Because a model models something. And if you're nude, you're not really modeling anything.

A model without clothes is a stripper just like a hooker who doesn't f**k is an escort.

Proof that Bush is beefing up the Border Patrol....

Butt Paste - Now there's a catchy name!

George Boudreaux is a man whose ingenious concoction brings comfort to scores of parents, babies and even the Louisiana State University Fighting Tigers.

George Boudreaux is the maker of Boudreaux's Butt Paste.

Boudreaux knows his Butt Paste might … uh … make a stink among the more refined rash sufferers among us, but he doesn't care.

He likes that fact that he's got a product with a name that gets people talking. Boudreaux, a Louisiana pharmacist, started making Butt Paste as a treatment for diaper rash in his family pharmacy decades ago, The Indianapolis Star reports.

But Boudreaux knew his Butt Paste could benefit the booties of more than just babies, and he started marketing it to hikers, bikers, joggers, cyclists, hunters, truckers and athletes. ESPN even cited the ointment as the secret weapon of the LSU football team to prevent chafing.

And though the Butt Paste still only takes a small share of the market dominated by bigger, badder butt salves, sales are growing — thanks in part to a name that no one will forget.

The Saffir-Simpson Scale

Hurricane intensity is measured by the storm's average wind speed. As most of us know, the Saffir-Simpson Scale divides hurricanes into 5 categories with Category 1 being the mildest and Category 5 being the most dangerous. But are you clear on how much damage each category can cause?


Click Here for an amimation that shows the typical damage caused by a hurricane at each of the 5 intensity levels.

An Explanation for Chocolate City

We all know that chocolate produces excess weight, but did you know that it can also generate electrical power?

Willy Wonka could have powered his Great Glass Elevator on hydrogen produced from his chocolate factory.
Microbiologist Lynne Mackaskie and her colleagues at the University of Birmingham in the UK have powered a fuel cell by feeding sugar-loving bacteria chocolate-factory waste. "We wanted to see if we tipped chocolate into one end, could we get electricity out at the other?" she says.

The team fed Escherichia coli bacteria diluted caramel and nougat waste. The bacteria consumed the sugar and produced hydrogen, which they make with the enzyme hydrogenase, and organic acids. The researchers then used this hydrogen to power a fuel cell, which generated enough electricity to drive a small fan (Biochemical Society Transactions, vol 33, p 76).

Well, no wonder why Ray Nagin wanted to make New Orleans a Chocolate City... he just wanted to turn the lights back on.

Glen Campbell meets Elvis Presley

I can't think of anything to say except this photo needs a good caption.

The Federal Marriage Amendment is stupid

I wish politicians on the Federal level would just shut the hell up about issues that belong to the states.

You and I can agree or disagree about whether or not homosexuals should be allowed to marry. I think they should. If two consenting adults want to screw up their lives, who the hell am I to tell them no? And why should the government be involved with marriages anyway?

Regardless of my opinion, this is a matter that should be left to the states. The US Constitution makes it quite clear:

Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

I am not sure what part of that Washington politicians don't understand. This is a crucial amendment that is completely ignored by them whenever a "hot button" issue comes up. Take the abortion debate as another example. Just as some conservatives push the gay marriage issue on the national scene, some liberals push abortion. It should not be a Federal issue. If folks in Utah don't want abortion to be legal, we should accept that, just as we should accept Californians wanting to legalize gay marriages. If you don't like the policies in those states, move.

Funny money

Secret Service agents have confiscated 8,300 gospel tracts from The Great News Network in Denton, Texas. The reason: a person in North Carolina reportedly tried to deposit one at a bank. The tracts, which were created by Ray Comfort's Living Waters Publications, are designed to look like a million-dollar bill (a denomination of U.S. currency that doesn't exist) with a message of salvation on the back. Says Comfort, "If agents show a judge a copy of the $1 million tract, he would laugh till he cried and then, after catching his breath, he would thank the agents for a good laugh and then ask them to stop wasting his time."

Real body, fake crime scene

As part of her class on forensics, Florida high school teacher Sue Messenger creates mock crime scenes with fake skeletons and other evidence. But on a recent field trip both Messenger and her students were surprised to find a real body. The first thing we thought was, 'That's a real good dummy she set up,'" said one student. Police identified the body as a homeless man who apparently died of natural causes.

Pick-me-up news

If you're tired of all the grim news reports broadcast from the TV and printed in the papers, check out HappyNews.com, a website that promises to promote only positive news. Among the uplifting stories is a section devoted to heroes, such as a homeless man who returns a lost wallet containing $900.

Report: Google Spreadsheet coming

Google already has a nice word processor in the form of Writely, which it bought earlier this year.

Now, the Wall Street Journal ($$$) is reporting that Google's about to introduce a spreadsheet:

Google Inc. plans on Tuesday to release a Web-based spreadsheet application, according to people familiar with the matter.

Google Spreadsheet, which will be made available on a limited test basis, follows Google's March purchase of a company offering a Web-based word processor called Writely.

Any coincidence that this comes the week after Microsoft released beta 2 of Office 2007?

The masses still aren't able to access Writely at will, so I'm curious how "limited" this test will be.

If you want to try to register for the test, use this link: http://www.google.com/googlespreadsheets/try_out.html

Federal Government at work

5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan--they are old and confused. We are not going to grant them an extension.

However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESOL (English as a second language) training at our expense, etc.

WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OLD PEOPLE! OR, WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS

Speaking of Tacos, here is Bush's new border security plan...

Nawlins Plan

I think a better design would have included a toilet.

The Promised Land

About 5,000 years ago Moses said, "Pick up your shovel, pack your ass, mount your camel, and I shall lead you to the Promised Land."


About 200 years ago, George Washington said, "Get off your ass, use your shovel, clear the land, grow plants for camels and it will be the promised land."

About a week ago, the Congress of the United States said "Si, Amigos, throw away your shovel, sit on your ass, light your Camels. We're giving you the promised land."

Thoughts To Ponder

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they he won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents?

Number 2 - In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1 - We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

Bug in Your Ear

I thought it would be fun to fashion those Bluetooth wireless cell phone ear pieces into bug shapes.

You could have a spider or a giant ant, or a grasshopper or a roach, just to name a few. I’d pick the roach. How cool would that be to walk around with a roach in your ear and when a call came in it would pulsate with a blue light. Maybe the antenna could wave around, or the legs wiggle.

There you would be in Krogers picking out bananas that don’t contain tarantulas and right next to you this guy with a roach in his ear would start talking and the roach would be pulsating blue and wiggling for all it’s worth.

Now, what would be really cool would be for Chiquita Banana to make cell phones in the shape of tarantulas and have a promotional where shoppers would find them inside of bananas.

I’m a marketing genius. Madison Avenue, you can contact me at BR-549.

At 84, Marvin Zindler is still fighting for the little guy

The Houston Chronicle wrote a nice feature on Marvin Zindler and his career in TV consumer news:

"He can grow hair," Ward says, his eyes widening. "He's not bald. He just doesn't like his hair."
I didn't even know that.

Trading with the Enemy

The U.S signed a trade agreement moving Vietnam closer to acceptance into the World Trade Organisation. Vietnam is one of the last communist nations on this planet, along with the Island nation of Cuba. The main difference being that Cuba didn't kill 57,000 of our men.

It also paves the way for Vietnam to reach its goal of becoming a member of the global trading body before Hanoi hosts the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in November, which President Bush is scheduled to attend.
A vote in the U.S. Congress is still needed for the pact to take effect.

Deputy Trade Minister Luong Van Tu and Deputy U.S. Trade Representative Karan Bhatia signed the agreement during a ceremony that was attended by Trade Minister Truong Dinh Tuyen and Deputy Prime Minister Vu Khoan as well as U.S. Trade Representative-designate Susan Schwab.

Calling it a "historic step forward," Bhatia said the process had begun more than a decade earlier as Hanoi and Washington laid out a roadmap for normalization. "Today's signing is the culmination of years of hard work and preparation on both sides," he said.

Tuyen, who has been involved in negotiations for years, said it marked a "new step of development in Vietnam-U.S. relations."

The United States was the last country that Vietnam had to negotiate a bilateral treaty with for WTO access and it hopes to conclude multilateral talks by this summer.

But a final challenge remains: the U.S. Congress must vote to grant Vietnam permanent normal trading relations.

All this for cheap sneakers, and a slap in the face for those who sacrificed so much over there. Meanwhile Rumsfeld is developing military ties, and I can't have a good Cuban cigar.

The big boom theory

In what must have been the biggest explosion ever seen on the planet, researchers found a crater in Antarctica that was created by a meteor the size of Syndey. Scientists who found the crater say it could explain the global extinction in the Permian-Triassic period when all animal life on Earth died out, clearing the way for the dinosaurs. The also believe it probably created the continent of Australia, forcing it to break away from the existing land mass. “A meteor that size would have punctured right through the crust of the Earth and caused enormous damage to the planet," said Australian scientist Dean Archer. “In that period 95 per cent of life on Earth was destroyed.”

Small Things

This flower was among a cluster of tiny little blooms in the front of my small wonderful bunglow in the Heights.....so nice.

A Breakthrough

A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women's breast implants. This is a major breakthrough as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Oh, I think I have a name.....how 'bout.....Breast iMplants? Naw.

Great Caesar’s Salad!

This salad was originally created in 1924 by Caesar Cardini at his restaurant in Tijuana, Mexico and was prepared and served right at the table.

I decided for for my first real meal in my 1930 bungalow I would prepare an Original Caesar’s salad and therein lay the rub.

What was the Original Caesar’s Salad?

Most schools of thought point to the following ingredients: romaine lettuce, olive oil, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, croutons, parmesan cheese, garlic, egg and fresh ground pepper.

The proportions go along the lines of:

5 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
½ cup parmesan cheese
2 garlic cloves
1 head of lettuce
shake of Worcestershire
1 egg

Variations include a can of anchovies (always wondered if I'd like these fishy things).

Further variations include avocado, tomato, cashews, chicken and other things, perhaps a bowling ball. Who knows?

All cockfloppery aside, my fresh Caesar’s Salad turned out splendiferous and I’ll share the blueprint here.

First, I baked, not fried, the croutons in the oven by brushing slices of La Madeline bread with olive oil, sprinkling some salt, pepper and garlic powder and baking at 350 for about 10 minutes.

Next, I broke up a head of romaine lettuce into half-inch pieces. Into separate small bowls I prepared the olive oil, anchovies minced with two cloves of garlic, parmesan cheese, and fresh lemon juice.

Next, I coddled the egg by dropping a room temperature egg into boiling water for 45 seconds, then dumping the egg into iced water.

To prepare the salad I dumped in the olive oil, lemon juice, anchovies/garlic and parmesan cheese, croutons and tossed with great panache. Then I cracked the coddled egg over the salad and tossed until it was incorporated. Finished with fresh black pepper per serving.

Two words:

Rave. Review.

I don’t know if it was the preparation of the salad at the table, or the fact that all the ingredients were fresh or that the croutons were baked or that the parmesan was Italian.

Who knows?

The combination was fantastic, the anchovies added some salt and the fresh lemon juice provided just the right snap.

I think I’ll try this again with some variations and I’ll check out using Worcestershire sauce instead of anchovies just for grins.

Personally, though, I now know I love those little salty, oily fishes!

Ultimate Jalapeno Pepper Poppers

OK, can you tell I have food on the brain today.......lol

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese (4oz.)
1 cup shredded monterey jack cheese (4oz.)
6 slices bacon, cooked, crumbled
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1 lb fresh jalapenos, halved lengthwise and seeded
1/2 cup dry breadcrumbs
2-3 eggs
sour cream or salsa or prepared onion dip or ranch salad dressing (or any combo of the above!)

In mixing bowl, combine first 7 ingredients, mix well.
Spoon about 2 Tbl. filling into each pepper half.
Roll in eggs, then breadcrumbs, and place into greased 15"x10"x1" baking pan.
Bake, uncovered, in 350º oven for 20 minutes for spicy, 30 minutes for medium, and 40 minutes for mild.
Serve with sour cream, salsa, dip or dressing.
Makes about 2 dozen.

Breaking News: There is no news!

Apparently, the public now needs to be told there aren't any hurricanes out there.

Ten other things they can tell us aren't out there over and over:

10. Unbiased media sources
9. Democrats with any sort of long-range budget plan or Iraq strategy either
8. Arab allies
7. EU allies
6. H2H Bird Flu strain
5. Another celebrity couple having a baby
4. Practical renewable cheap energy alternatives in widespread use
3. Stable operating systems for computers
2. Reliable spam and spyware protection
1. Proof that cell phones cause cancer

But as soon as there's proof or these things happen, they'll be sure to be right on top of them.

Steer for the sidewalk cafe! Steer for the sidewa-

Egad... strap some C-4 on to these guys and you've got the Palestinian Air Force.

Allahu Ackbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

*BOOM*

How do you say “kiss my ass” in Hebrew?

I just got the following unsolicited email written in Hebrew. I guess spam is Kosher now:

כמה זה עלה?

מחיר שיחה לנייד של רשת מירס. זהו.
התחייבויות, חוזים?

לא! תתקשר מכל קוו (גם טלפון שקלים, וגם טלקארד שבחוץ),
מתי שבא לך, כמה שבא לך, ללא התחייבות, ובלי הרשמה.
הטלפון שלי בבית חסום לשיחות לחו”ל, מה עושים?

מתקשרים, זה לא חסום לשיחות למירס.
ומה יופיע בחשבון חודשי?

החיוב מופיעה כחלק מהחיובים של חברות סלולאר (מירס).
ולאן אפשר להתקשר?

Bumper Sticker Watch

"Somewhere in Texas a village is missing an idiot"

-- Volkswagen Jetta, Pennsylvania plates, Shepherd Drive, Houston Heights, TX

Fun "Out of the Office" reply messages to consider......

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at
all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return on. Please be patient and your Mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Marvin' instead of 'Martha.'

Can someone put a stop to this madness?

If we are what we eat, we're in trouble...

KFC's newest creation is a "generous portion" of creamy mashed potatoes, mixed with corn, fried chicken, "homestyle" gravy and a 3-cheese blend.

It's all put in a bowl.

In other words:

"All the KFC favorites you know and love served in a convenient easy-to-eat bowl!"

Dispense with utensils altogether! Put bowl to pie hole and just let it slide on down. With a big ol' jug o' sody pop, well, what more could you possibly want?

They call it "KFC's Famous Bowls." It's plural -- b-o-w-l-s. This may mean there will be more famous bowls in the future. More combinations, but all, no doubt, starting with that "generous portion of creamy mashed potatoes."

The nation's Body Mass Index lurches onward, through the fog.

Too short for punishment

A Nebraska judge ruled that because a convicted child molester is too short, he gets 10 years probation rather than jail time. District Judge Kristine Cecava said she thought 5-foot-1 Richard W. Thompson would be at risk in the prison system. It's a shame the judge is more concerned with the perpetrator's interests than the 12-year-old victim's.

More from the, "What will they try next" department....

Convicted killer request sex change

Claiming that denying his request amounts to cruel and unusual punishment, a man convicted of killing his wife is asking a federal judge to order the state to pay for a sex change operation. Robert Kosilek sued the Department of Correction for the second time last year, saying that numerous psychiatrists who had examined him had determined that a sex change operation is ``medically necessary” and that they believe he will kill himself if the state refuses to allow the procedure. In 2002, a US District ruled that Kosilek was entitled to treatment for gender identity disorder--which includes psychotherapy, female hormone treatments, and laser hair removal--but stopped short of ordering the state to pay for the sex change operation.

Do evangelicals love big government?

In a Wall Street Journal editorial, Heather Wilhelm asks if evangelicals are learning to love “big government.” With evangelicals focusing on the environment, AIDS, and prison-rights, Wilhelm wonders if we are seeing a “new liberal breed of evangelical.” "Why are these people punting to the federal government?" asks Jay Richards, an evangelical and a research fellow at the Acton Institute for the Study of Religion and Liberty. "You can't be compassionate with other people's money. Even worse, they're not thinking about the consequences of these policies. They're too busy feeling warm and fuzzy and absorbing liberal ideas."

The Astros now have a (gulp) $104-million payroll

Don't ever call our Uncle Drayton cheap. Ever. That's yesterday's news.

He has done a terrific job of growing the revenues. The Astros now bring in around $178 million. And the payroll has grown accordingly.

With the signing of Roger Clemens, the Astros have baseball's sixth-highest payroll and they're one of seven teams spending more than $100 million.

1. Yankees, $195 million.

2. Red Sox, $120 million.

3. Angels, $104 million.

5. White Sox, $103 million.

6. Astros, $104 million.

7. Mets, $101 million.

Drayton McLane is hoping for an insurance rebate on Jeff Bagwell's $17 million, but that's no certainty. Even though he doesn't know if he'll get a dime back on Bagwell, he spent the money necessary to re-sign Clemens.

"I suppose I'd better stock up on soap-on-a-rope."

SMART car comes to Houston - sort of

This past weekend while tooling around town inside the Loop (It is so cool living inside the loop!) I spotted a SMART car.

I couldn't believe the Lilliputian coupe so popular in European capitols like Paris and Rome was actually jockeying for position on Buffalo Speedway alongside Hummers, Mercedes and Ford F-150s. But there it was.

If you're interested in the micro machine that's EPA-rated at 40 miles to the gallon and starts at $25,000, it won't be easy to get one. Turns out, there's still no dealership in Texas.

But ZAP -- which stands for Zero Air Pollution -- the Santa Rosa, Calif.-based company that's importing the ultra-compact cars, wants to change that.

"The goal is to have a dealer in every major market. We're working on it," spokesman Alex Campbell said.

Currently there are only eight ZAP dealerships in the U.S., including two in Reno as well as outlets in Phoenix, Pittsburgh, West Palm Beach, Seattle, Colorado Springs and Exeter, N.H.

People who just have to have one are picking the closest retailer and hightailing it across several states to buy SMART.

"Everybody loves a SMART car and, at the end of the day, I think everybody loves the idea of making cars cleaner and more efficient," Campbell said, adding that ZAP has been in business for 11 years selling electric cars, scooters and all-terrain vehicles.

DaimlerChrysler actually manufactures the SMART car, which runs on regular unleaded, but the company won't sell the two-man vehicles here even though they're sold in every other major market from Malaysia to Mexico.

The scuttlebutt as to why ranges from DaimlerChrysler not wanting to erode its luxury brand name in the USA to simply not wanting to make a bad business decision. In Europe and Asia consumers often buy into the aesthetic that less is more. But, generally, in the States, more is more.

At just eight feet in length, two SMART cars can park bumper to bumper in a single parking space. Eurofiles find them stylish. SUV devotees question whether they're really sensible transportation for this country's sprawling spaghetti bowl of highways.

One thing is a virtual certainty. With gasoline prices hoovering around $3 a gallon this summer....that might be mean more SMART cars in a neighborhood near you.

"Run on the Bank"

Too clumsy to exercise? Try the cordless jump-rope

If you think keeping fit is merely mind over matter, Lester Clancy has an invention for you -- a cordless jump-rope.

That's right, a jump-rope minus the rope. All that's left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope. Or if you are truly lazy, you can pretend to jump over the pretend rope.

And for that idea kicking around Clancy's head since 1988, the U.S. Patent Office this month awarded the 52-year-old Mansfield, Ohio, man a patent. Its number: 7037243.

What makes this invention work is the moving weights inside the handles. They simulate the feel of a rope moving, Clancy said. Well, it's only one handle so far because Clancy is waiting for financial backers before building its partner.

But why jump rope without a rope?

It's perfect for the clumsy, Clancy said. "If you are still jumping, you're still using your legs as well as your arms, and getting the cardiovascular workout. You just don't have to worry about tripping on the rope."

It is also good for mental institutions and prisons where rope is a suicide risk, said Clancy, who works as a laundry coordinator in a state prison. And low ceiling fans aren't a hazard any more, he said.

Daniel Wright, who features the cordless jump-rope on his Web site, can barely talk about Clancy's invention without laughing.

"What really grabbed me is the name," Wright said. "Take the cord out of the jump-rope, [he giggled] and that's what is the jump-rope."

The idea isn't all that crazy, said Mike Ernst, a professor of kinesiology at California State University in Dominguez Hills.

"I think it's silly but at the same time if somehow, some way it promotes physical activity, gets kids active, then I'm all for it," Ernst said.

The more he thought about it, the more Ernst said he could see the benefit, adding that the act of jumping, not the rope itself, is what provides exercise.

"Do you need to jump with a rope? You don't," Ernst said. "But I wouldn't buy the product, I can tell you that. I'm not an idiot."

High-tech handles aren't needed. You could even use toilet paper holders, Ernst said. On second thought, he wondered if he could patent that idea.

Interbreeding humans and chimps? Oh my.

I thought for sure this article on the complexity of the human-chimpanzee evolutionary split would generate a lot of news.

To my surprise, according to Google News, it appears to have passed quietly.

So I will summarize: The conventional view is that humans and chimps split off an evolutionary tree about 7 million years ago from a common ancestor, with no inbreeding. Science News picks up the story from there:

Previous work underestimated genetic similarities in people and chimps, the investigators say, and placed the evolutionary parting of these species about 1 million years too early.

Given the new genetic findings ... it's plausible that after a partial split, hominid interbreeding with chimps yielded fertile females and infertile males, Reich and his colleagues propose. Hybrid females would then have resorted to mating with fertile chimp or hominid males.

Because they would have produced fertile sons only when the mothers passed on X chromosomes mostly from one of the original species, this process eventually would have led to a final split.


Several anthropologists dispute this conclusion in the Science News article, which strikes me as a pretty radical shift in the prevailing views. Still, I have to believe we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg in terms of the power of genetics to illuminate the history of life.

Word smith

In the laupe, or the loup?

The laupe: I have no clue how to pronounce this word -- lawp? lowp? lope? low-pay? -- but I know a laupe when I see one.

Are you a laupe? Take the test and find out. You might be a laupe without even knowing it. In fact, if you are reading these words, you are almost certainly a laupe. And if you don't think so, you are just in denial.

Final Idol thoughts

Taylor sings his big song.

"I'm livin' the American Dream," he screams.

So we come back to the American Dream thing. Watching a lumpy, gray-haired, soul-singing dude win over an image-conscious country is really more than I could have hoped for from this show. When I first watched Taylor audition (when was that? three years ago?), I was impressed with his singing, but thought there was no way this guy would beat out all of the high-maintenance girls with their great abs and all of the pretty boys with their smoldering glances. Just no way.

This is an important moment. This is a win for every geeky, gangly, un-gorgeous person who loves music. I am proud to count myself as one of those people.

Beans for breakfast, beans for lunch...

It's bad enough when you get hemorrhoids and have to have surgery. Then this happens.

A seriously bad day for the poor guy.


"Flatulence is being blamed for bringing a hospital patient's operation to a fiery end.
The man suffered minor burns in a brief but "dramatic" operating theatre fire. He had gone into the Southern Cross Hospital in Invercargill to have hemorrhoids, or piles, removed and was singed in the "exceedingly rare" incident involving his own gas.
'This was thought to be flatus containing methane igniting,' a health source told the Weekend Herald. "There was a sort of flashfire and that was it, but it was fairly alarming at the time."