Combating the Bible's "clobber passages"

For those of you interested in combating the unfavorable Bible texts thrown your way, check out this online magazine for GLBT Christians:

http://whosoever.org/bible/

The negative or critical e-mails I've received advise me to read my Bible. Specifically, I've been urged to read at least one or all of the six passages we as GLBT Christians know as the "clobber passages". These are verses, we're told, where God condemns homosexuality in no uncertain terms.

I have read my Bible, and I've paid close attention to those "clobber passages." So have many Bible scholars. We all agree that nowhere in the Bible are same-sex committed and loving relationships condemned. It's just not there. Instead, the Bible holds much joy, comfort and love for GLBT Christians willing to wade into its pages and hear the loving voice of God.

This section of Whosoever explores the 6 "clobber passages" and several other verses used as "prooftexts" of homosexuality's condemnation...........

What it took to get an 8th grade education in 1895

No hand held calculators, no internet, no TV, no cell phones, no iPods, no electricity, no cars; so is all the new technology really helping????

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?

This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas, USA. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam:

Salina, KS, 1895


Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie', 'play', and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6. What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 65 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20 per meter?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods? & lt; BR>10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour) (Do we even know what this is???)
1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, and syllabication.
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, sub vocal, diphthong, cognate letters, and lingual.
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi-, dis-, mis-, pre-, semi-, post-, non-, inter-, mono-, and sup-.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of: Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete. Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it? This also shows you how poor our education system has become... and, NO! I don't have the answers, and I failed the 8th grade test!

politically correct

Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not.

-- Miss Manners (Judith Martin)

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Tom
Birthday:	11/22/1960
Birthplace:	Victoria, Texas
Current Location:	Houston, Texas
Eye Color:	Green
Hair Color:	Light Brown
Height:	6'1"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Left
Your Heritage:	Anglo
The Shoes You Wore Today:	black & brown boat shoes
Your Weakness:	Can't say "NO"
Your Fears:	Saying "NO"
Your Perfect Pizza:	All Meat - thin crust
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	earn a huge bonus
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Cully!
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes
Your Bedtime:	11:30-midnight
Your Most Missed Memory:	coming out so late in life
Pepsi or Coke:	neither - can't have bubbles......
MacDonalds or Burger King:	BK
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Republic of Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Late'
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	some
Do you Sing:	some
Do you Shower Daily:	YES
Have you Been in Love:	YES
Do you want to go to College:	already did
Do you want to get Married:	already did
Do you belive in yourself:	yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	yes
Do you think you are Attractive:	yes
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	the one still alive
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes
Do you play an Instrument:	used to
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	yes
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	yes
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	yes
How do you want to Die:	quickly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	in love
What country would you most like to Visit:	GB
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	green
Favourite Hair Color:	blond
Short or Long Hair:	short
Height:	6'
Weight:	HWP
Best Clothing Style:	put together
Number of Drugs I have taken:	1
Number of CDs I own:	150
Number of Piercings:	0
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	a lot
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Before you judge Britney, watch this......

Police Officer Steals Marijuana

Police Officer bakes brownies then calls 911 and says "I think we are dying".

Thought for the Day...

The 10 Rules of Life

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.
2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."
4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."
7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
10. You will forget all this.

A Heterosexual Questionnaire

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?


2. When and how did you first decide you were heterosexual?


3. Is it possible that heterosexuality is a phase that you will grow out of?


4. Is it possible that you are heterosexual because you fear the same sex?


5. If you have never slept with someone of the same sex, how do you know you wouldn't prefer that? Is it possible you merely need a good gay experience?


6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexuality? How did they react?


7. Heterosexuality isn't offensive as long as you leave others alone. Why, however, do so many heterosexuals try to seduce others into their orientation?


8. Most child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexuals? Heterosexual teachers particularly?


9. Why are heterosexuals so blatant, always making a spectacle of their heterosexuality? Why can't they just be who they are and not flaunt their sexuality by kissing in public, wearing wedding rings, etc.?


10. How can you have a truly satisfying relationship with someone of the opposite sex, given the obvious physical and emotional differences?


11. Heterosexual marriage has total societal support, yet over half of all heterosexuals who marry this year will divorce. Why are their so few successful heterosexual relationships?


12. Given the problems heterosexuals face, would you want your children to be heterosexual? would you consider aversion therapy to try to change them?

...from "Becoming Visible: a Reader in Gay and Lesbian History for High School and College Students," 1994, ed. by Kevin Jennings,
Alyson Publications, Inc., Los Angeles, CA 90078

© Copyright 1999 Montrose Counseling Center, Inc. and Texas Commission on
Alcohol and Drug Abuse.

You don't have to be gay to be gay on the inside.

You don't have to be gay to be gay on the inside. Anyone can do it! It just requires three things:
(1) consider that you might be different from the way people think you are;
(2) consider that you might be different from the way you think you are supposed to be;
(3) be willing to accept that other people may disapprove of your choices, and realize that their approval doesn't matter all that much anyway.

Get past those things, and you can start thinking about what you really need to be in order to be your true self.

A GUY'S QUICK TRIPTO WALMART

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something required to complete the job. Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's: Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running theregister is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's: Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60's: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's: Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

You've got to love this little girl; she knows what she wants already. What a fine woman/wife she'll make!



A teacher asked her class, 'What do you want out of life?'

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, 'All I want out of life is four little animals.'

The teacher asked, 'Really, and what four little animals would that be sugar?'

The little girl said, 'A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and of course, I'll need a jackass to pay for all of it.'

The teacher fainted.

Headline of the week: Pucker up for this

My mission as a blogger is to bring a little, er, zest to your life. The latest headline Headline Hall of Fame Headline I've found is this one from Australia's The Age:

Lemon douche is a cervical cancer risk


Don't be bitter. When life hands you lemons ... make a feminine hygiene product. To read the story that goes with it -- no peeling required -- click here.

Untamed tongues a-wagging on the web

Tired of only reading gossip about Paris and her pals and yearn to get the dirt on your friends and neighbors? The folks behind GossipReport.com certainly hope so. "We are the only site that focuses on gossip of the noncelebrity," said Ashley Murphy, the website's director of media relations, who also pointed out, "We don't create gossip, we just organize it." That's an important legal distinction to make, since Section 230 of the federal 1996 Communications Decency Act doesn't hold websites liable for what's posted by anonymous visitors on their online forums. But just because it's legal doesn't make it ethical. As James 3:5 says about our untamed tongues, "How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!" Imagine that blaze multiplied many times over on the Internet.

Coming to a Wal-Mart near you

Move over G.I. Joe; there's a new gang in town: the Tales of Glory Spirit Warrior Action Figures. The figurines of famous Bible men like Daniel, Sampson, and Goliath will begin appearing on Wal-Mart shelves next month and represent the first time the world's largest retailer has carried a full line of religious toys. Only about one-sixth of Wal-Mart's 3,300 stores will carry the toys and were selected based on the number of Bibles they sell. "They'll carry anything that sells," said David Croyle, president of FamilyLife. "This simply signals intelligent buying within Wal-Mart." If you're a parent, are these toys something your child would play with, and are they something you would buy for him or her?

America's beautiful people

This is what makes American people so Beautiful!!

Photo of the Week: First Drive-in Service Station

A far cry from the "Service Station of Tomorrow," provided by the Shell Oil Company, shows a service station built in St. Louis in 1905, the first drive-in station in the world. Its original equipment, a gravity tank on stilts, a faucet and a fifteen-foot length of gardenhose, was considered a radical improvement over the old method of retailing gasoline in 5 and 10 gallon cans at paint and hardware stores.

WWJD?

I was born and raised Catholic, but I can't help myself fom saying...

The Pope is insane.

Yesterday he reiterated something he's claimed for a long time - years, actually, due to the fact that he was quite high up in the church before he became the head honcho a couple of years ago.

The Catholic Church is the only true church. All other faiths are inferior.

Call me crazy, but I fail to see anything Christian about claiming supremacy above all others and alienating non-Catholic religions.

He stinks of Bush: Old, stubborn & misguided.

That is all.

Why it's OK to yawn at a meeting

We yawn when we're bored. We yawn when we're tired. We yawn to increase the supply of oxygen to our blood.

At least that's the conventional wisdom. But a pair of novel experiments by University of Albany psychologists suggests we may have yawning all wrong. Here's a summary of the work (complete paper here):

The first experiment demonstrates that different patterns of breathing influence susceptibility to contagious yawning. When participants were not directed how to breathe or were instructed to breathe orally (inhaling and exhaling through their mouth), the incidence of contagious yawning in response to seeing videotapes of people yawning was about 48 percent. When instructed to breathe nasally (inhaling and exhaling through their nose), no participants exhibited contagious yawning.

In a second experiment, applying temperature packs to the forehead also influenced the incidence contagious yawning. When participants held a warm pack (46 C) or a pack at room temperature to their forehead while watching people yawn, contagious yawning occurred 41 percent of the time. When participants held a cold pack (4 C) to their forehead, contagious yawning dropped to 9 percent.


These results clearly suggest that yawning regulates the temperature inside your head, and that perhaps we yawn to cool our brains. What we don't have here is any biochemical cause-and-effect, but this is an incredibly interesting theory all the same.

The findings, if valid, draw a few unexpected conclusions about yawning. First of all, rather than stimulating sleep, a good yawn should fend off falling asleep. And secondly, far from being an indicator of boredom, yawning would appear to be a mechanism for maintaining attention.

So be sure and remember this for your next staff meeting -- it's an excellent excuse, and possibly even a valid one!

As Randall Parker suggests, this finding may have also some practical results. If you feel the need to yawn, do so. If you're mind is lagging at work, hold a cold drink to your forehead. And if you're trying to maintain a productive workplace, keep the environment cold.

Video: Speeding No Small Matter in Australia

When you first read the slogan, SPEEDING: NO ONE THINKS BIG OF YOU, you might think it was a reminder that people think poorly of those who break the law. Think again. This new road-safety campaign, launched in Australia last week, is aimed a bit more below the belt—by suggesting those men who speed have small penises. In the television and cinema advertisements, young "hoons"—Aussie-speak for speeding or reckless drivers—are mocked by unimpressed women who wave their little fingers at the drivers in a parody of their manhood.

The Top Twelve Differences between Men and Women

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though the total is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When a group of women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, if it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that...is the beginning of a new argument.

6.CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Fast Food Marketing -vs- Fast Food Reality

Now that I'm part of a Marketing group, I've really taken note of all things "marketing"...

Take a look at this fast food reality slide show as seen on KTRH.

The Arby's Beef n' Cheddar is particularly disappointing.

Moons Over Manhattan

Cheeky Campaign Hits Times Square
Forget Moon over My Hammy, how about Moons over Manhattan. Lots and lots of smiling moons. Courtesy of a toilet company, no less. On July 1, the Toto Washlet company will unveil a giant two-story billboard wrapped around three sides of a Times Square building. And on that billboard will be giant two-storied rears, smiling down on the city. Why are they smiling?

Because the Toto Washlet is moder-day miracle of science (according to the press release). It "upgrades a standard U.S. toilet to state-of-the-art in personal hygiene. It cleans and dries with aerated water and warm air (both adjustable, via wireless remote, for temperature and strength). While over 17 million have been sold worldwide, the U.S. remains an untapped market."

The campaign was created by ML Rogers, New York. They claim the ad was too graphic to run in luxury print titles, but look for it on websites such as Gawker, Salon and FoodandWine.com

Take a look at the Clean is Happy website, which provides some faces to go with those cheeks.

Hillary: You & I

Hafta admit I'm not a big Hillary fan and I loathe the choice of campaign theme song by Hillary ("You & I" Celine Dion ... blech), but using a "Sopranos" spoof video as the means of announcing it is sheer brilliance.



Note: Secretly, I was hoping for a song more along the lines of Steppenwolf's "Monster". LOL!

Drink red wine, reduce tooth decay

Yes, really.

Historically wine has long been known to have various medicinal uses, first being employed to clean wounds to prevent the spread of infections. More recently, other health benefits of red wine, such as reducing the incidence of heart disease, have become big news.

But what about that anti-microbial activity from antiquity?

In an article (full version here) published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, Italian researchers have investigated the anti-bacterial effects of both red and white wine in the mouth and throat.

To the delight of wine drinkers everywhere, the wines tested surprisingly well.

Red wine was slightly more effective, but both varieties inhibited the growth of several strains of streptococci bacteria that are involved in tooth decay, and some cases of sore throat.

The question becomes, then, would you rather have red-stained teeth or decayed teeth?

Good for a chuckle or two ...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reebok's.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid!
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Pictures from Robin's Wedding

Click Here for all photo thumbnails from Robin’s Wedding Albumn

Overindulgent parenting

When I think back on my childhood birthday parties, I recall fond memories of playing "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" in the family room and blowing out candles atop a homemade birthday cake. But today's childhood birthday parties are a far cry from those of my day.

A spiraling level of competitiveness to keep up with the "baby Joneses" is driving parents across the nation to pull out all the stops and their checkbooks to make sure that Junior's birthday party becomes the talk of the town.

"Extravagant parties are happening in cities and in rural areas, not just New York and Los Angeles," Cookie magazine's Rebecca Ffrench said. "People everywhere are really pushing the limits. They are spending a lot more than they would have five or 10 years ago."

How does your family celebrate birthdays and what's the most you ever spent on such a celebration?

100 words every high school grad should know

The editors of the American Heritage dictionaries have selected a list of 100 words they recommend every high school graduate -- and their parents -- should know.

"The words we suggest," says senior editor Steven Kleinedler, "are not meant to be exhaustive but are a benchmark against which graduates and their parents can measure themselves. If you are able to use these words correctly, you are likely to have a superior command of the language."

What caught my eye is that a full one-sixth of the words are scientific or technical terms. I have reproduced them below. This, I think, reflects the near imperative of being scientifically literate to prosper in the 21st century.

• chromosome
• gamete
• hemoglobin
• hypotenuse
• kinetic
• metamorphosis
• mitosis
• nanotechnology
• oxidize
• parabola
• photosynthesis
• plasma
• polymer
• quasar
• taxonomy
• tectonic
• thermodynamics

And sorry kids, plasma does not mean "TV." So did you know them all? I did, although I wasn't 100 percent sure of gamete.

Notes from MOM

Mom writes, "The shuttle was awesome to see it in person it was hard to take pictures!!
We had a great time and now Bob wants to do it again.

Bob and Barbara"

Major Technological Breakthrough

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music -- inside a woman's breast implant.

The iBOOB will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered a major technological breakthrough, addressing the concerns of women who complain about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

The end of the plug?

Scientists have sounded the death knell for the plug and power lead.

In a breakthrough that sounds like something out of Star Trek, they have discovered a way of 'beaming' power across a room into a light bulb, mobile phone or laptop computer without wires or cables.

In the first successful trial of its kind, the team was able to illuminate a 60-watt light bulb 7ft away.


The team from Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who call their invention 'WiTricity', believe it could change the way we use electricity and do away with the tangle of cables, plugs and chargers that clutter modern homes.


It could also allow the use of laptops and mobile phones without batteries.

The inspiration came when the lead researcher, Dr Marin Soljacic, was standing in his kitchen at night staring at his mobile phone.

"It was probably the sixth time that month that I was awakened by my cell phone beeping to let me know that I had forgotten to charge it. It occurred to me that it would be so great if the thing took care of its own charging," he said.

To turn this dream into reality, Dr Soljacic needed a way of transmitting power wirelessly.

Scientists have known for nearly two centuries that it is possible to transfer an electrical current from one coil of wire to another without them touching.

The phenomenon, called electromagnetic induction, is used in power transformers and electric motors around the world.

However, the coils in motors and transformers have to be close for power to pass from one to another. Attempting to transfer power over distances is impossible.

The breakthrough came when Dr Soljacic realised there was another way of transferring energy through the air.

Rather than sending power from a transmitter to a receiver as a conventional electromagnetic wave - the same form of radiation as light, radio waves and microwaves - he could use the transmitter to fill a room with a 'non-radiative' electromagnetic field.

Most objects in the room - such as people, desks and carpets - would be unaffected by the electromagnetic field. But any objects designed to resonate with the electromagnetic field would absorb the energy.

It sounds complicated, but the result demonstrated by the American team this month was a dramatic success. Using two coils of copper, the team transmitted power 7ft through the air to a light bulb, which lit up instantly.

The scientists say the technique works only over distances of up to 9ft. However, they believe it could be used to charge up a battery within a few yards of the power source connected to a receiving coil.

Placing one source in each room could provide enough power for an entire house.

The receiver and transmitter would not have to be in view of each other.

Professor Peter Fisher, another of the researchers, said: "As long as the laptop is in a room equipped with a source of wireless power, it would charge automatically without having to be plugged in. In fact, it would not even need a battery to operate inside such a room."


The researchers believe there is little to worry about on safety grounds, saying that magnetic fields interact weakly with living organisms and are unlikely to have any serious side effects.

Dr Soljacic said: "When my son was about three years old, we visited his grandparents' house. They had a 20-year-old phone and my son picked up the handset asking, 'Dad, why is this phone attached with a cord to the wall?' That is the mindset of a child growing up in a wireless world.

"Hopefully we will be getting rid of some more wires and batteries soon."

Minor League Braves Manager Goes Crazy

Minor League baseball can be pretty entertaining

The 60-story house for just one family

India's richest man, Mukesh Ambani, is planning a palace in the heart of Mumbai with helipad, health club, hanging gardens and six floors of car parking.

His wife, mother and three children will live there with him, looked after by 600 live-in staff.

Construction has already started on what will eventually be a 175m tower and planners are aiming to complete it in September 2008.

Earlier this year, Forbes rated Mr Ambani as the richest resident Indian with a net worth of US$20.1 billion.

He came 14th in Forbes' 2007 worldwide rankings.

Currently he is chairman of petroleum major Reliance Industries Ltd, India's largest private sector company

The building, already worth £500 million, could start a rush on skyscrapers.

Source: Daily Mail

Don't Get Me Started

#$@(*&$@#(*&@#(!))~!#)~)#$&)$

That's the "soft", PG-13 version of what I'd like to say at the moment.

I hate when people panic and create emercency situations for everyone in their wake.

Hate.

It.

Welcome to the Oil Industry

To the clueless newbies out there bitching about $3.00+/gal gasoline.
Check out the supply line...the following link is just the start in the chain of multiple events:
"How many companies do you know that can afford to gamble 15 billion dollars over a 10 year span on technologies that have never been tested, and in fact didn't even exist when the money was put on the table, drilling in water deeper than ever drilled in, exploring in a rock formation that until a few years ago, geologists didn't even think there could be oil there."

Link

Sunday Morning.......Oh happy day......

Do I hear a nomination for the perfect boyfriend award?

Blond Joke O' the Day

The plane is on its way to Houston when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat. The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Houston and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the Police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this. I'm Married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, I'm sorry." and she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he Said to make her move without any fuss. I told her, "First class isn't going to Houston."

No hurricanes for Houston this year

The University of Central Florida has released their 2007 hurricane forecast (PDF file). According to their research, the Houston area has a "Much Below Normal" chance of experiencing hurricane-force winds this year. Ditto for the extreme southern tip of Florida.
Actually, I think these long-range forecasts are worse than useless, they are dangerous. These forecasts cause complacency by giving people a false sense of security. ("Hey look Marge, we're in the Green Zone according to these scientists! Let's cancel that flood insurance. We don't need it this year.")

How they made their guesses.

One of NOAA's many animated models. Click the Animate Frames arrow to start. This model looks ahead two weeks, and is anything but fine-grained - it covers the entire northern hemisphere. So we're to believe that hurricane landfall percentages can now be accurately predicted on a county-by-county basis 3-4 months in advance?

Source: Lou Minatti

Pros and Cons of the Top 20 Democratic Party Presidential Candidates

John Moe provides the fun.

My favorite:

5. JOE BIDEN
Pro: Technically still running for president.
Con: Dude. Come on.

Eurotrashed

Read this fascinating editorial on how Eastern Europe and Western Europe really, really don’t get along. The setting: an American Idol-like songwriting and performance contest called "Eurovison." It’s nice to hear about international disputes that don’t involve my country.

Scenario speculation

What would happen if we withdrew our military from Iraq? We can only surmise, says economist Dr. Mark Hendrickson, but he attempts to answer the question by presenting four possible (albeit, simplistic) scenarios. Which do you think is most likely?

O, happy day.

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing."

Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

Bird Poops On President Bush

This happened during Thursday's Rose Garden press conference....

Oriental Eye Exam

If you can not decipher anything, try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese. It Works!

Some Funny E-cards

When you care enough to send something you got free off the internet.


Thanks to ACE

Children......

No Harvard for you!

The New York Post has published this list of successful people who were rejected by Harvard. Among the headliners: Warren Buffett, Ted Turner, John Kerry, Tom Brokaw and Sun Microsystem co-founder Scott McNealy. When you look at some of the names on the list, though, what's more surprising than who Harvard rejected is who it let in.

Sign O' the Day - 5/23

Bumper Sticker O' the Day

"Who Would Jesus Bomb?"

Sign O' the Day - 5/22

Putting the Danger back into the Danger Train

Apparently, METRO has hired Gomez Adams to manage the Light Rail system.

HEADLINE O' THE WEEK: 'Man killed by flying cow'

...I don't make this stuff up...

If you want to read the whole story in the Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald, click here.

The coolest: Five-second rule validated!

Admit it, you know the five-second rule. It comes into play when you've dropped food on the floor, but aren't quite ready to part with the possibility of still consuming it. My wife believes in the zero-second rule, but I'm a firm-believer in the old wives' tale.


Now, it would seem, there's some science to back up the five-second rule. A pair of biology majors at Connecticut College have gone and tested the rule, and there's good news. It should now be called the thirty-second rule:

Goettsche and Moin took their food samples -- apple slices (wet) and Skittles candies (dry) -- to the main Connecticut College dining hall, Harris Refectory, and to the snack bar in the student center.

They dropped the foods onto the floors in both locations for five, 10, 30 and 60 second intervals, and also tested them after allowing five minutes to elapse. They then swabbed the foods and placed them onto agar plates designed to cultivate any bacteria that might have attached to the foods.

What Goettsche and Moin discovered may forever change the way people think of the five-second rule. "It should probably be renamed," Goettsche said. "You actually have a little more time."

The women found no bacteria were present on the foods that had remained on the floor for five, 10 or 30 seconds. The apple slices did pick up bacteria after one minute, however, and the Skittles showed a bacterial presence after remaining on the floor for five minutes.

The results prove, Goettsche and Moin said, that you can wait at least 30 seconds to pick up wet foods and more than a minute to pick up dry foods before they become contaminated with bacteria.

Previous research claimed to have debunked the five-second rule. But their methods were questionable. The researchers dropped food on tiles that were purposefully contaminated with E. coli bacteria. Let me tell you, if you have E. coli bacteria on your kitchen floor you've got bigger problems than the five-second rule.

My advice? If you keep your home reasonably clean the five-second rule is reasonably valid.

Enjoy HELL, Jerry

Not to speak ill of the dead (much), but I am enjoying the thought of Falwell and his reward of 72 virgins.

....and I'd like to share what Susan Jacoby said:

Predictably, obituary writers are already portraying the Reverend Jerry Falwell as a more respectable figure than he was. Ah, what a beautiful tradition it is to speak no ill of the dead!

In the online edition of The New York Times, writer Peter Applebome observes that Falwell was "demonized on the left in much the same way Senator Edward M. Kennedy or Jane Fonda were on the right." The word "demonized" suggests that the well-meaning Falwell was treated unfairly by the left and that there ought to be a more balanced view of his so-called achievements.

How do you demonize a man who declared that the 9/11 terrorist attacks were evidence of God's judgment on a nation corrupted by civil libertarians and advocates of abortion and gay rights? Falwell demonized himself and followed up his sincere vitriol with the usual insincere public relations apology.

Jerry Falwell, by mobilizing the religious Right as a force for reactionary politics, played a vital long-term role in every retrograde social trend of the past thirty years. He and his Christian soldiers put George W. Bush in the White House.

This man's legacy is one of bigotry, xenophobia, anti-modernism, and utter stupidity. No doubt his funeral will be well-attended.

No doubt.

It could all be yours for $100 and an essay

If you've ever dreamed of owning your own farm, now's your chance: An Ohio couple is giving their 43.5-acre farm away to the person who wins an essay contest they are sponsoring. What's the catch? Each submission must include a $100 entry fee and the couple won't select a winner until they've received 3,000 submissions, thereby raising $300,000, a payoff greater than what they'd receive by selling the farm in the area's sagging market. Now that's creative. Anyone intrigued enough to give it a shot?

Tuesday Blond Joke

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”

Spanish Gitar Music Video

John Williams plays Asturias.....enjoy!

Higher speeds coming to local cable-modem users

Attention, Houston Time Warner cable customers! Don't throw away that booklet that may have come in the U.S. Mail today that says "How to cope with more awesomeness" on the cover. It's not junk mail, but rather a glimpse into your future.

Comcast, which took control of the Houston Time Warner cable franchise in January, is starting to initiate changes. And according to this booklet, which I received today, cable-modem speeds are going up a notch.

Time Warner's Road Runner service maxes out at 5 megabits a second (unless you pay more for the premium 8 Mbps option). But apparently that's going up to 6 Mbps soon:

In July, get ready for the blazing-fast speed of Comcast High-Speed Internet: up to 6 Mbps download speed, which is up to four times faster than DSL and more than 100 times faster than dialup. Now you'll be able to do battle faster. Surf faster. Blog faster. If you want even MORE speed, check out Comcast High-Speed Internet Performance Plus! It is comparable to Road Runner Premium, and it offers blazing-fast 8 Mbps download speed.

The Road Runner home page now at www.houston.rr.com will become Comcast.net. There are no details on just how the e-mail account switch will happen, except for this:

Be sure to watch your Road Runner e-mail account for more information on transitioning your e-mail account from Road Runner to Comcast.net.

Some other key tidbits from the booklet:

• Time Warner Cable will officially change its name to Comcast on June 19.

• Bill payments will be made to "Comcast Houston", and the look of your bill will change somewhat.

• While the booklet doesn't have any detail about what channels will be dropped or added, there's a slew of name changes coming for the various cable TV tiers. Standard Cable becomes "Expanded Basic Service"; Digital Value becomes "Digital Preferred", and so on. One package -- the $5-per-month Movies Plus for Digital Cable -- is going away completely. That package will be folded into Digital Preferred at no charge. The Digital Basic tier will go down by $1 a month; the price to rent the DVR for a month goes down by a nickel.

• Time Warner Digital Phone becomes Comcast Digital Voice. A separate piece of snail-mail will come to phone users to tell them how to switch to Comcast's voice mail.

The booklet also warns that there may be brief outages as some of these services are switched over.

Originally posted on TechBlog

Yea! A fire ant virus

The U.S. Department of Agriculture has recently identified a virus that kills red fire ants, and the agency has begun the process of finding a commercial partner to develop the virus into a pesticide.

In the laboratory, the virus, SINV-1, has proven to be self-sustaining and transmissible. Once introduced, it can eliminate a colony within three months.


That's why researchers believe the virus has potential as a viable biopesticide to control fire ants, known to scientists as Solenopsis invicta.

Although it occurs naturally in fire ants, the virus needs a stressor before it becomes deadly and begins replicating within a colony, Valles said.

Integrating the virus into ant baits could offer a tool to the pest-control industry, agricultural producers and harvesters, consumers and others for whom fire ants are a persistent problem.

Red fire ants, which originated in South America, began arriving in the United States in the 1930s. They've now been detected in 13 states, covering 320 million acres, and are spreading northward. They reached Texas in the 1950s and cause about $1.2 billion annually in damage.

Widespread efforts in the 1960s and 1970s failed to eradicate them. They are now 10 times more common here than South American because they have no natural predators.

I'd say it's about time we gave them synthetic predator!

Originally posted on SCIGUY

Quote of the Day

"Life must be understood backwards; but...it must be lived forward."

The First IT Helpdesk

This video is too funny. Since I paid my dues by supporting new users during my career, I can relate all too well.

It's all about 3's lately!